I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
