we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
