Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
