Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
