I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
