The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
