please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize