My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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