i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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