your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just wanna soil my oats bro
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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