Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
