You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
