You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
