it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
