Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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