My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize