i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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