I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
