Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You are the jesus of drinking
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
