Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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