I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
