I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
