No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
