he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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