I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
