i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
