Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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