she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
