They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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