i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize