believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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