Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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