I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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