She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
