You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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