Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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