Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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