I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
