sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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