you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
