i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
