well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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