im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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