I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize