Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
