you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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