So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
