Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
