it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
