How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
