Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
