So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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