you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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