R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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