John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want nice things and good sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize