did you get engaged???
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
