I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
