**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
