I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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