Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
