I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
operation have a gay friend backfired
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
