i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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