Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
