I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
