some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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