Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
