I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
