Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
